Second Chance Given to Woman Who Regrets Abortion
for Fetal Anomaly
When Amanda met her now husband, she had just ended an abusive relationship and was struggling with substance addiction. Five months into their relationship, Amanda found out she was pregnant, and was thrilled with this news.
Amanda quickly stopped using all drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes and scheduled all of her doctor’s appointments. At their 20 week appointment, a routine test came back abnormal. Other than telling Amanda that she was having a girl, the ultrasound tech did not say anything. She left the room and came back with seven other people. They discovered the baby’s brain had not developed properly, she had a hole in her heart and two cleft lips.
“Everything I dreamed of came to a crashing end. I did not know how to be a mom to a child with special needs.” The doctor said if her daughter survived the birth, she would not live long and if she did live, she would never have mental capacity greater than a two-month-old.
With all of the new information regarding the quality of life her daughter would have, Amanda decided to follow her doctor’s recommendation and schedule an abortion.
“I never thought abortion would be something I would consider. But in this case, I felt like it was okay. I was protecting her from any pain.”
The night before the scheduled abortion, Amanda was struggling with this decision and cried out to God. However, she followed through in terminating the pregnancy the following day. “I never used the term abortion because it was explained to me medically. I always said I terminated the pregnancy, and I justified it because I believed it was for the right reason.”
About a month after her abortion, Amanda began to feel regret for her decision and felt God pulling her back to church. She became more involved in church and her faith became important to her. Meanwhile, she became pregnant again and had a son, Rex. Three years later, she and her husband welcomed a second son, Carter, into their family.
When Carter was born, she realized her abortion was still affecting her and she decided needed help and healing. Amanda remembers her abortion changing her as a mother by becoming very protective of her children and being fearful of losing them. She participated in a Surrendering The Secret post-abortion bible study. While this was tremendously helpful and she began finding healing from her abortion, she would later discover a deeper need for healing.
When Carter was nine months old, Amanda found out he had several physical disabilities. “Carter has the mental capacity of a nine-month-old, yet it is amazing how much joy he brings to my life. There is so much help available I did not know existed when I was faced with that decision in my first pregnancy.”
Their son, Carter, has changed Amanda and her husband. Raising him has brought them closer to the Lord and God has taught them patience through parenthood. God has also blessed them by adding a daughter, Stevi, to their family in 2011.
“Even though Carter is very limited he brings so much joy to our family that I could not imagine our family without him. It seems as if the Lord blessed us to be the parents of a child with disabilities. God gave us a second chance.”
Wanting to help others find the same healing she had found after abortion, Amanda attended Conquerors to become a facilitator. She was not expecting to find additional healing and freedom, but she most certainly did.
“In my time at Conquerors, God healed me through revealing that I do not need to carry this guilt and shame anymore because He has forgiven me. I learned about the depth of His love for me and I did not realize I was still carrying the burden of my abortion. After participating in Conquerors, a huge weight was lifted.”
A New Perspective
Amanda says she wants others to know “doctors are not always right. God is bigger. There is an inexplicable joy children with special needs bring in to this world. They are life changing and leave a special mark on anyone who gets to know them or have the opportunity to meet them. They are not to be aborted as if they have no value or worth. The pain of losing my first daughter after her birth would have been far less painful than wondering what her life would have been.”
After almost ten years, Amanda found forgiveness and grace as God removed the shame and guilt of her abortion.
“Abortion is suggested too often for children with special needs or those who have been diagnosed with health issues. My doctor said, ‘Just have an abortion. It’s not worth continuing the pregnancy.’ My son may have special needs, but without him, our family would lack the joy and happiness he adds to our lives on a daily basis.”
Many women and men believe that they are the only one they know who has had an abortion. Few people talk about it because of the shame and embarrassment they feel surrounding an unwanted pregnancy. As a result, many women and men are suffering in silence. In reality, 1 in 3 women will have an abortion by age 45. While you are not alone, how you came to the decision to have an abortion is unique. The Conquerors program recognizes that your path for healing will be unique as well. The Conquerors program provides a safe, non-judgmental, confidential place to begin the healing process, and work through your abortion experiences. The program is led by those who have had abortions and can relate to your experience.